on the verge of something?

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without really realizing that i wasn't feeling well, i'm feeling better! been a couple days since i felt any weird chest tightness and that feels like a relief. i noticed i vacuumed my house and had a little more energy. i'm better physically, but mentally it's still pretty up and down.

the past two days i stayed on the phone with people til late, chatting or texting and that feels nice. i've been reading a book set right after the great depression and that's made it a little hard for me to sleep bc its too real. but i guess do i really need much sleep if i just lay on my couch and make phone calls to workers all day?

on thursday i find out if all those phonecalls paid off and they count the ballots for the election. i really think i'll be devastated if we don't win, but am half hoping that i don't really have the energy to be crushed much more.

but that's the thing about right now, all sorts of unexpected things are happening and people are mostly accepting that our new reality is like that. i'm trying to think about the positive side of that too: people are demanding things that wouldn't have ever been possible before (rent strikes, cash payouts to undocumented people, hazard pay) and sometimes they're being heard. we're not winning all the time, but we're not giving up yet either.

it's becoming spring outside. yesterday was beautiful and i sat in the park. to be honest, i never did that much before this but it's kind all we have lately. i haven't taken a bike ride, the other naturally socially distant outdoor activity that comes to mind, and i should. i love this time of year so much and it feels like i'm missing it happen.

people are starting to figure out how to make plans, and that feels like a good sign. though i did like it when i could just call people and know they'd be sitting at home and glad to connect. the feeling that people are able to think about the future and commit to anything makes me think people are generally settling in and doing better.

i made the title a quote from my own damn band bc it fits and also we put out a song off the new record today. that feels cathartic. people seem to like it! i needed that.

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